Waleed Aly: The People’s Muslim
Muslim used-car salesman “Honest” Waleed Aly stuffed a banana peel in the hearts of white Australians all over the country last Sunday Night with his moving Gold Logie acceptance speech on why we pack of racist bastards are a pack of worse racist bastards for not giving a guy called Mustafa a break.
Turns out we did give Mustafa a break. He landed the lead role in the Channel 9 comedy series Here Come the Kebabs. Sorry, Here Come the Habibs, which does for comedy what powdered glass does for hemorrhoid cream.
Aly thanked the traditional owners of Australian civilization, i.e. skips, for his good fortune, or would have if he didn’t have to spend all of his allotted time, 163 minutes, telling the spellbound audience that what the world needs now is diversity, sweet diversity.
One of his conominees, SBS newsreader and bundle of laughs Lee Lin Chin couldn’t have agreed more if she’d been sober. Later she had to be carried from the after-show party, where she protested the lack of diversity on Australian TV by refusing to stay perpendicular to the floor. A spokesperson for Chin denied rumors that she’s a stick figure on which somebody has stuck a ghastly giant papier mache head.
Was the Gold Logie voting rigged? Far be it from this racist bastard to suggest that members of the Islamic faith spent more time on the TV Week voting website than they did applying for Centrelink benefits.
Conspiracy theorizing aside, white Australians can rest assured that happy faced Muzzie academics like Aly mean us no beheading. Only last week Aly proved how hip he is by endorsing same sex “marriage.” Everybody knows that the prophet Muhammad is right behind two males backing each other up the kickside, so “Honest” Waleed has no case to answer. Honest.
People blinded by hatred and intolerance, aka white people, will argue that Aly’s tenure as head of public affairs for the Islamic Council of Victoria and his Aryan wife’s anti-feminist hijab fetish prove that he’s just playing at being a soft and cuddly Muslim to lull us into a sense of false security so we’ll welcome a mosque on every corner and a burqa on every blonde. However, they’re working on the assumption that he’s a dinky-di Muslim. But what if he isn’t? What if he’s only a Muslim because of all the free T-shirts and stickers?
Aly is a Sunni Muslim. The Arabic word Sunni is derived from the English sunny. Thus a Sunni Muslim is a sunny Muslim. A Muslim with a smile on his face and a song in his heart. A Muslim warmer than the warmest ray of sunshine. A Muslim you have when you’re not having a Muslim.
In years to come, when the victims of innumerable Islamic terrorist attacks in Australia are nothing more than steam-cleaned stains on city footpaths and office building carpets, and erstwhile white suburbs that have since become Sharia wonderlands roll out a welcome mat of machetes and Molotov cocktails for any white person who blunders down their streets, we’ll all be able to look back on the magical night that a magical guy of Egyptian parentage won the country’s approval and told us we had nothing to fear about Muslims but Muslims themselves.
© Copyright Christian Identity Australia 2016