Run for Your Lives! It’s Dunny Paper Armageddon!

People freaking out about croaking or getting really crook from the coronavirus, which is nowhere near as deadly as cancer, heart attacks, or the flu, have been snapping up enough toilet paper to stock a 50-story office building so their bums will survive the looming pandemic. Supermarket shelves across the land are almost bereft of the now precious commodity. Shoppers jostle and even fight one another to get their hands on it. Ironically, stocks of fruit, vegetables, and vitamin supplements, items that can actually help fend off the virus by bolstering one’s immune system, are plentiful.

3AW’s Neil Mitchell speculates that the panic buying was caused by reports that the coronavirus gives sufferers the runs. He could be right. But then why don’t dunny rolls fly off the shelves during gastro outbreaks? Maybe social influencers with millions of followers have whipped up this insane fear of being caught dead with an unwiped backside. Who knows?

One thing’s for sure, the situation has got so bad that even livestock are getting into the act.